Monday, December 1st, 2008
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3:21 pm - sorry ive been away so long
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well its been way 2 long. a lot has happened. me and richie broke up about 7 months ago. i was really upset but i guess it was for the best. it wasnt working out. he ccudnt handly my problems or the problrms that cum long with my family. didnt think it wud take him neally 2 years 2 figger that out but i guess it did and i guess knowing that he cudnt have me with out haveing help. but his lose. i have a new bf now we been 2 gether about 4 months. he is amazing. he treast me like prinsess. i never felt this happy in my life.he said he is goin 2 help me get of my pills and everthing. we r planing on moveing in 2gether i know it probaly abit soon bit it feels rite. i know there is way more 2 rite but i dont know were 2 start so i guess thats all for now and ill keep you all abit more up 2 date from now on.
take care
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, May 7th, 2008
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6:43 pm
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Monday, March 10th, 2008
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11:46 am
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Sunday, March 2nd, 2008
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9:15 pm - i fiinally fell
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well i gues i got 2 brake the bad new 2 some1 so i guess here is probly the best place for it as know1 can tell me off or same im a bad person. coz thats how i feel. i cudnt even make it past 11 months with out cutting. well if u can call it that there more like cat sraches on my feet. i want 2 do so much worries but i cant as i dont want my bf 2 notes as he wud go mad at me as he throught we had got over it. but i guess wot they say is true once a cutter always a cutter. do i feel better for it a lil but i guess it coz i havent cut deep enuogh or i havent cut as much as i want 2. but as its on my feet i still have 2 make it look like there cat scratches other whys he know wots goin on. i know i shud tell him but i dont think he cud handly it all over again. i dont know wot 2 do. i really need help.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, February 18th, 2008
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10:04 pm - just an up date
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well from the last time i write. i have got abit better i still havent cut. im really inpressed with that. i cant beleve it myself. still got a long ay 2 go as i still want 2 cut.but i think i can keep it undercontol but if not ive got my bf 2 pick me up and tell me i will be ok. ive got an appoint ment for the begining of march 2 see a mental health nurse and stuff. college doin a lot for me 2 trying 2 keep my work load down as much as they can so i dont get 2 stressed out. and it my birthday on the 19th and im goin away at the weekend with my bf for my birthday. so i hope that helps me feel better.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
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12:02 pm - shit
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well i was put back on meds just befor christmas. fluoxetine. i was on them befor but there not working now. kinda self harmed for the frist time in over 10 monthes the othere day. fell shit about it. but i didnt cut tho which i guess is a good thing i just scrached aat my arm till it started 2 bleed. kinda looks like carpet burns on my arm. they have put me on citalopram and they want me 2 see some1 about my mental heathle so i gess they want me 2 see a therphist again or sumit. other than that im doin ok. me and richie r good. i think we had a ower frist fight the other nite but it wasnt really a fight i siad i didnt like him doing stuff and he said he wud stop. then everthing else that was getting 2 me came out as well. but we r ok now we kissed and made up.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, January 5th, 2008
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10:41 am - my new ink
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well i got a new tattoo yesturday. i got it 2 cover my scars on my rite arm. i got it was a christmas pressent of my mam and its kind of my reward 2 myself for goin so long with out cutting. i think its really cool sort of new school eh. lol
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 4th, 2007
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9:31 pm
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Monday, December 3rd, 2007
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2:56 pm
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well this is probly goin 2 be a really pointless post. but i dont care. i feel so shit rite now. i dont kow why and its really getting 2 me. i wanted 2 say after neally a year im finlly better and i can go back 2 liveing a normal life. well i was so wrong. i dont now how i cud get it so wrong. i feel like im loseing it alover again. but im trying 2 stay strong as i have richie now and i dont want him 2 feel like he had 2 keep proping me up all the time. as thats not want i want from ower relatoinship. its ment 2 be a tow way thing not just 1 way. richie thinks ive just got a bit of the winter blues and ill be ok in a lil bit. but i dont know i feel like it might b more.
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(comment on this)
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Monday, October 8th, 2007
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3:26 pm
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i know its been a while since i last posted but alot as happens.
i started back at college i put on 5lbs. :) but then i lost 2lbs. so im back. at 89lbs.
rich when away for the weekend about 2 weeks ago and it was the most horribles weekend ever. i didnt think i cud miss sum 1 so much. i felt like sum1 had ripped out my heart from my cheast. i was so glad when he got back.
but i think he missed me as much as i missed him as he said he wud never go way with out me again. whitch im so glad coz i wudnt want him 2 go way with out me again.
he is goin away in a few week but im goin with him this yime. so im looking forward 2 that.
well its been about 8 months since the last time i cut. its been about 6 months since i last made myself vomit. ive been trying 2 eat normaly for the last 3 monthes but i got 2 admit i still skip meals and i still watch my weight. i just want 2 b normal for a chance. but i dont think that will ever happen.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, August 20th, 2007
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1:36 pm
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Friday, August 17th, 2007
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10:33 am
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Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
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10:20 am
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well i found out a friend of my ODed the other day. i found out she did it coz her mam was a bitch. but i really think that it was a really stuped thing 2 do. well for that reason anyway. as here mam is a really cool person and she treats her mam like shit.
o yeh my mam knows i self harmed. it was wierd as it was just like o yeh i know. u did it. i guess i had a feeling she knew. she wanted me 2 tell her but never did.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
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10:14 pm
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I when window shopping the other day and i saw this top. but i didnt have the money 2 get it so i thought i wud try it on anyway. i so want it.
i love how u can see my coler bone sticking out. shame abut the roll of fat cuming out the bottom.
:(
but that gives me sumit 2 work on. i get rid of it and i get the top.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
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12:37 pm
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why cant i just let him good. why cant i just spend 1 day with out him with out feeling like i might died or lose all control. i dont get it.
i feel like i might be recking everthing coz i cant handly being on my own. been with my family isnt the same. i want 2 be with him all the time i know i cant be as its not good for use. but at the same time i want 2 see is face and smile all the time and hold him and tell him everthing will be ok.
everthing is pissing me of so much rite now as well. i feel like if i dont get things my way that its wrong and i get all stressed out and stuff. i was never like that.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Sunday, July 1st, 2007
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10:36 pm - chinchila
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well i came home 2 nite from staying at richies.
i found 1 of my chinchilas dead. i feel so sad now.
as i was goin 2 take her 2 the vet in the morning as she looked abut thin.
i feel really bad now like a was bad mam 2 her.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, June 9th, 2007
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8:40 pm - long time cuming
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Thursday, April 19th, 2007
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1:42 pm - london
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well i when 2 london for a few days.it was great it was really warm witch is nice. didnt anywere near as much as i throught i wud but i did drink alot tho.
so next week im starting my restring again.
but on a sad note. when i was away 1 of my friend died. my brother phoned me when i was away. it was a bit of a blow as he was a healthy person. the doc think he died of a brain tumer that burst. :(
but they have 2 do test 2 find out wot really happend.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, April 11th, 2007
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10:21 pm - well its shit
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well i did so well last week. but this week i just cant seem 2 get my self sorted.
it didnt help that we had easter all that food and cocolater. grr.
o yeh and all the drinking as well.
:(
so over the last few day i stopped counting all the cal. as i know it just goin 2 make me feel shit.
even tho i know ive been eating over 1000.
wtich is well bad and i goin 2 a party on saturday so more food and then im goin a way. so yeh. i guess ill put all the weight that ive lost back on. :(
wish i didnt feel the need 2 be thin and perfucted.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, April 7th, 2007
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3:38 am - up date before the weekend
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well 2 day i was reALLY GOOD
breakfast 112
dinner 200
tea 0
total 312
but i when ot drinking
so ive probley gone well in 2 the 1000 now grr.
wish i didnt like drinking so muxh. but it numbes everthing
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(comment on this)
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darkstar1986's journal
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